Saturday (For Devan)

Eeek. What a boring title. Sorry, I'm stuck for an idea.

I'm up in my room on a Saturday (as you could probably guess) afternoon. I feel like I should be doing something but then again... Well, I guess I'm not going to.

To be honest, I've done a lot today. Not anything fun, I promise you. Cleaning cleaning cleaning.

I'm going to do some pilates once my step-dad goes to work... He's hogging the TV. I think I'll play some Wii Sports after that. But, for now, I'm laying on my bed (which is actually still the air mattress from the concert), listening to music, and hanging out with my sister.

Her birthday was on yesterday... My baby sister turned eight years old. Goodness. It's insanity, I swear. I look at her, all tall and lanky and beautiful, and I just don't understand where the years have gone. I used to sit with her on the rocker when she was younger, and read to her and sing to her and rock her to sleep. I used to sleep in her room with her on a mattress on the floor. I used to play house with her and dress up and paint her nails every Saturday. It's insane to think about that. We haven't had time to actually hang out with each other, one on one like that since I started high school. Three years ago. I mean, sure, we spend time together, like we are doing right now. But I look back on the times we were so close... And I just can't believe those times are gone.

I love my sister so much. I asked my mom, for years and years, for a little sister, and when I was eight I got exactly what I wanted. A beautiful little sister who idolized me. I even got lucky and got a little brother who makes everything a little more interesting.

My sister knows how to make my day and make me crazy. She knows me inside out. She knows where I hide things and she knows when I'm upset. She stands up for me when I get in trouble with our parents, and she's willing to try to sneak into my parents room and get my guitar for me when they take it away. We fight all the time, but there's nothing that makes me happier than her smile.

Basically, I love my sister. And even when we're screaming at each other, once we're done fighting I always remind her how much I love her and how I'll always be there for her.

So Devan, if you do end up reading this one day (what a trip that would be!) I hope that I've lived up to your expectations, and that you are happy and successful in your life. I'll always love you more than anything (Well, you and your brother) and if you ever need anything or you just need someone to talk to, know I'm there. Even if I'm not there. I am. I love you.

-Ayden

an old one, but this is from Devan's birthday last year

Thriving in Insanity

Some days I wake up and just think, "Well. No plans today."

Okay, that's not "some days" it's most days. And a lot of the time that's really nice. Not having anyone wanting something from you, just being able to kick back and listen to music and browse the web.

And then there's days like today, where I wake up (I shouldn't say in the morning; I woke up officially at two in the afternoon. But then again, I didn't go to sleep until well after three) and refuse to pull myself out of bed, staring at the ceiling, waiting for someone to text me or call me or say "Hey! Let's do something."

My brother and sister are home again... They were at their grandma's this weekend so that my mom could get her homework done. The two of them drive me nuts, but I really don't understand how I could ever live without them. Oh, here's what they look like, for a little tidbit of your information:

Yeah. We go on "photoventures" a lot. I would suggest going on one today, just to get out of the house, but it's about ten million degrees outside and adding the heat to my already low patience level would just lead to some big catastrophe where no one is happy. Wow, gotta love being a teenager.

I really don't think I understand how easy I've got it, though. I mean, having ICD and anxiety really screws with your head, but honestly I have no idea how my parents can do it. I mean, my dad only has to deal with me and my crazy emotional mood swings, but he also works two jobs and sleeps about five hours a day. And my mom and my step dad not only have me, but they have the two little "stink monsters" ^^ up there. And they both work full work days (well, my step dad works graveyard) and my mom also has college.

And somehow, they all manage to stay sane?

Well, God know's I'm screwed for adulthood.

-Ayden