Title-less

I feel like I'm slamming my head up against a wall, playing this game with you.

Emotions have become invalid to me because they lie- all the time. I feel like I can't trust anyone. I just know how I feel. But even that I'm not sure how much of it is real and how much of it is how I feel because I think it's how I should feel.

I know it's late at night and I shouldn't be doing this much thinking. But in light of my recent panic attack that left my horrified and confused, I feel like I should be considering things.

Like, what am I doing? Falling for you, again? Stupid stupid stupid.

Not you, I guess. It's not your fault I feel how I feel. But I do and I can't stop it- even when I try. It just makes me more miserable.

Music is my vice. I need to let go of all these other wasteful emotions. But then I see your face... And again, I'm back where I started.

I feel like I should be writing this in a foreign language. That way you wouldn't understand it if you read it. I don't want to trouble you.

Oh well.

Change of subject. Rachael made a blog!! Yes. Made my day, I have to tell you. Because now I can connect on a deeper level. Wait. I'm not really sure how blogging is supposed to do that. But I don't know, my blog is pretty damn personal so I guess you never know, huh?

You should follow her blog. She's pretty. http://rachaelsterner.blogspot.com/

Alright, well I'm gonna go listen to some more music and try not to die. Because I almost did. Or at least I think I almost did. And so does Ciara. Oh, how to be sixteen and suffer from severe anxiety disorder!

-Ayden