Unacceptable

The date: Sunday, September 26th, 2010.

The time: 7:30 pm.

The sun had set. I was going to Ralphs to pick up some chips for the dinner.. I don't have a car and, respectively, I can't drive, so I ride my bike down to Ralphs whenever I need anything. It's right down the street from my house so it's no big deal.

Well, California has decided to go through another heat wave. And just a little tidbit of information: When there are heat waves in California, people go insane. I guess it would be worse if it was this insanely hot in Boston or someplace cold, but Californians are already nut-jobs and adding heat to the mixture is just a bad idea all together.

.. Ha, sorry. I got distracted. I'm watching my dad and my uncle play the Playstation Move...

Oh, if only I had my camera on me to get a picture of this. It's fantastic.

Anyways. If you have been watching the news or listening to the radio, you'd hear that today, September 27th 2010, Southern California had record-breaking heats of up to 115 degrees. Average for around this time of year? Mid-seventies, sometimes low eighties. Not to mention last week it was only 78 for most of the week.

This heat is driving everyone insane. I swear. On the car ride home, my dad and I had the windows rolled down (his A/C doesn't work. Well, actually, it does... We're too scared to use it though. It makes weird noises) and we were stuck in traffic. The sun was beating through the windows, and being inside the little truck cab just seemed to amplify every single blade of sunlight. I was drenched in sweat- Literally, I haven't sweat that much.. Ever. It was disgusting. Everyone else on the freeway was either in the same sentiments as us- Not wanting to overheat their car by using the A/C, so sitting on the road with the windows down, feet hanging out and music blasting.

My dad and I were going to walk down to the beach to cool off after we got home (we only live about two blocks away) but once we were inside our house (without A/C as well) and sitting in the shade with all the fans on, there was no way you could get us out.

It's almost ten at night and it's still blistering hot outside. I can't wait for this heat wave to be over.

-Ayden

Just a little picture of my school's "Club Rush"

(The day the heat wave started)

Thriving in Insanity

Some days I wake up and just think, "Well. No plans today."

Okay, that's not "some days" it's most days. And a lot of the time that's really nice. Not having anyone wanting something from you, just being able to kick back and listen to music and browse the web.

And then there's days like today, where I wake up (I shouldn't say in the morning; I woke up officially at two in the afternoon. But then again, I didn't go to sleep until well after three) and refuse to pull myself out of bed, staring at the ceiling, waiting for someone to text me or call me or say "Hey! Let's do something."

My brother and sister are home again... They were at their grandma's this weekend so that my mom could get her homework done. The two of them drive me nuts, but I really don't understand how I could ever live without them. Oh, here's what they look like, for a little tidbit of your information:

Yeah. We go on "photoventures" a lot. I would suggest going on one today, just to get out of the house, but it's about ten million degrees outside and adding the heat to my already low patience level would just lead to some big catastrophe where no one is happy. Wow, gotta love being a teenager.

I really don't think I understand how easy I've got it, though. I mean, having ICD and anxiety really screws with your head, but honestly I have no idea how my parents can do it. I mean, my dad only has to deal with me and my crazy emotional mood swings, but he also works two jobs and sleeps about five hours a day. And my mom and my step dad not only have me, but they have the two little "stink monsters" ^^ up there. And they both work full work days (well, my step dad works graveyard) and my mom also has college.

And somehow, they all manage to stay sane?

Well, God know's I'm screwed for adulthood.

-Ayden

Let Us See

Life about now.. Is crazy.

I know, it's only six weeks into the school year. And here I sit, procrastinating doing my late math homework.

It's not like I have anything against math... Oh no, wait, I definitely do. Math was made up somewhere along the line when they deemed electric chairs and limb stretchers inhumane. So they came up with mathematics. Math is torture that does not screw up your body, it just fucks with your brain. (Pardon my French)

These math teachers stand at the front of the class preaching to the crowds of poor, suffering children/young adults, expecting them to not only understand but to PAY ATTENTION. What can I say? This whole "math requirement" to graduate is a cruel and [un]usual punishment.

And then, these evil creators of torture (so-called "mathematicians") decided to make everyone's life even harder. You want to know what they did this time? They used their insanely confusing brain functions and created the internet. And not too long after that, they created Facebook.

Pure, pure torture. I can just picture my own math teacher, so cool and collected on the outside, sitting at his desk during his student-free period, laughing maniacally as he works on the Facebook subliminal messages, making that stupid webpage more and more addicting as his math assignments grow in length and difficulty. He knows us students have no clue what is n equals, and he also knows that we do not care. So he decides to screw us over by giving us crazy tests that we have no idea how to do and end up FAILING miserably.

I'm not really sure if this makes any sense at all to anyone reading this... I'm multi-tasking as I write this (music, Facebook, math homework) so it's more of a mental explosion on the page. Enjoy this as you sit there attempting to do your own math homework, and realize that your brain is slowly melting out of your ears.

Welcome to the party.

-Ayden

PS- Here's a little picture that somewhat relates to math, but would make everyone's life so much better if math was actually this simple.

Questionable Behavior

A lot of times, I'm asked why I wear a "Jesus bracelet."

Most people who know me know that I am Buddhist, but I do not consider myself religious in any way shape or form. I feel that my Buddhism is more of a way of thinking that teaches me to better myself. In my beliefs, there is no "God" I pray to, no place to go to repent for sins. Buddha, or Siddhartha, was a man, not in any way a celestial being, who learned through suffering and frustration what it meant, to him, to be a better person.

Before we get any crazy religious talk, let me inform you that Siddhartha was raised Hindu. He was a very rich and powerful son of a lord, and had everything his heart desired. But as most people experience, having everything sometimes feels like you have nothing. So he took it upon himself and abandoned his comfortable life in the search of his own true happiness.

Buddhism has nothing to do with God or higher powers. The only person that is the higher power is yourself, and to become a true Buddhist you must realize that you are the only one that can change the way your life is and the outcome of certain things. Praying to an invisible being whom may or may not be there is no guarantee. On the other hand, accepting your flaws and working to make yourself a happier or better person is entirely under your control.

In my "religion," there is no one there holding my hand on the path to happiness. I'm stuck as I am and if I cannot learn how to become satisfied with who I am and what I have, I will never be satisfied with anything I ever earn.

Siddhartha, or Buddha, is a man I look up to. He took what everyone would like of as a perfect life and dumped it out, choosing to live his life in the way that made him happier and more confident of himself. There weren't very many rewards for him- No riches, no palaces, no worship and no cliche perfection. But in the end, when he came to his death, he was able to look back upon his life and think to himself, "You know what? I did good. I didn't have a nice place to live and I'm not rolling in money but I made myself happy and I made other people happy." And that's all that matters.

So, back to the initial question of why I wear a "Jesus bracelet." Want to know the truth? It's because the little Jesus on the bracelet looks like he's flipping you off.

-Ayden

Job Opportunities

It occurred to me today when I was riding the bus home just how desperate the current economic situation is.

I was riding on the bus, as I said. It was already on the freeway, and I was sitting towards the back with my legs propped up on the seat next to me. Some weird guy with a mustache was sitting behind me, and a grounds worker for some city was sitting in front of me. I was listening to my music and staring out the window I was leaning on, looking directly at the ground.

The road was stripped. That is, there were little lines that ran through the concrete the bus drove on. I don't know why this made me think about getting a job, but it did. Those lines screamed to me conformity. They were all parallel to each other, moving side by side down a block of concrete, heading to the same destination and never changing direction. Even when the road curved, these little lines stayed true to their direction. If the road did in fact curve, those lines were replaced by other ones, slightly off the previous ones. Everything kept moving, no matter what.

When the bus finally got off the freeway, I was bombarded by "Going Out of Business" and "Property for Sale" signs. Very few "Now Hiring" signs to be seen everywhere. When I got off the bus, and walked into the nearest 7-11 to meet my dad, the guy behind the counter walked up to me (obviously, there wasn't very many people in the store.)

"You here to apply?" He asked. I was sort of alarmed. I mean, it's not a question people usually start a conversation with.

"For what?" I asked.

"A job. You're young. You look bored. You looking for a job?"

"Oh. No, sorry. I'm waiting for my ride to pick me up."

The guy apologized and turned to walk back to the counter. I walked up and down a few aisles for a bit, waiting for something to catch my eye that I could spend my 57 cents on. To no surprise, there was nothing. I got bored of wandering so I walked back up to the register and put my backpack on the counter.

"Do you get a lot of people in here looking for jobs?" I asked him, playing with the lighters on the counter.

"Sure. I mean, sometimes. Mostly just teens that live around here. There's a lot more job opportunities opened up for teens lately." He stared at my hand as I flicked the lighter on and off. It was making him uncomfortable.

"Why is that?" I noticed his stare, and I put the lighter down, this time picking up a Disney-themed pen.

"Nobody's hiring adults anymore. I guess businesses know that people with more age and more job experience have to be payed more than kids in high school." He kept his eye on the pen this time.

I put the pen back down and leaned my head on my backpack. A bell rang, and someone walked in, two girls about 19 or 20, looking to buy some alcohol.

The guy behind the register straightened up and looked at the girls who walked in. He was going to try some moves on them. He looked back at me and I could see it in his face that I was in his way. "Are you going to buy anything?" He asked, looking away from me and back at the girls. I shook my head no, opening my hand to reveal the whopping half a dollar in change I carried. He looked down and my hand and back at my face, almost as if he was trying to tell if I was serious or not. "Well, then, do you think you could leave? I need to tend to my paying customers."

I pulled my backpack back on and walked out the door, sitting on the post in front.

A few minutes later, the girls walked out, without alcohol. One of them was joking with the other one about the guy behind the counter was hitting on her.

-Ayden

Homework is for Squares

I mean, really.

When teachers assign homework, this is what runs through their mind. And I mean, this is verbatim. I can read minds, for your information.

"Alright students, and here is your homework for tonight..."
Ha, suckers. I've got two whole seasons of Lost to get caught up on. While you're suffering through this ten page reading and two hour question sheet, I'll be analyzing the meaning of the smoke monster and agreeing with Jack when he screams "We have to go back!"
"It shouldn't take you too long if you were paying attention to the lecture today..."
Bulllllshit. I don't even know what I'm talking about.


That's about when my mind reading powers shut off. There comes a point where you just can't take anymore torture.

So, dear teachers. I do so refuse to do my homework. If you refuse to actually read what I wrote, I shall write nothing. See, we sassy people make the world go round.

Take it!

-Ayden

15 Reasons 9/18 Was the Best Day of My Life

1. Ciara likes Girls. A lot. She really likes Girls. She would bang them all if she could. She thinks they're all so hot.

2. "I wish I had a pizza and a bottle of wine."

3. Carrying a full air mattress upstairs.

5. "She was on the wrong P2."

6. "WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?" ("A double rainbow!")

7. Feeling like a caged animal.

8. Giving a crack-whore all the rest of our money.

9. Phoenix.

10. "They're so French. They even sang in French. That's so French."

11. The daddy-longlegs on my door. ("It likes your posters!")

12. "Who wants to go to Scary Church instead of IHOP?"

13. "Reach out and touch me I'M RIGHT HERE!"

14. "This French song is making me feel nostalgic."

15. "Why'd they get off stage?" "I think they're going to be lowered on wires." "And then explode?" "Well, a phoenix is technically a firebird, so yeah I guess that makes sense."

-Ayden

The Fly Behind Your Ear

I kid you not, there was an actual fly behind my ear. Until I remembered I didn't have any hair to be tickling me, and I swatted it dead.

So, day 2, blog 2. Attempt #2?

My life is going as smoothly as possible- If by smooth I meant filled with insane amounts of homework, catching buses at 6:18 in the morning, and sleeping two hours every night. But hey, back to school, back to shit sleep and never eating. Back to school until five in the afternoon, home at seven and homework until nine, squeezing dinner and a shower somewhere in that two hour time gap. Back to procrastination and exaggeration, drama and yawns.

Alright, I'm out for the night. Before my mom takes away my computer.

Goodnight!

-Ayden

Blogging?

Okay, I really don't know what I'm doing.

Hope that caught your attention.

So I'm Ayden, I'm sixteen and I'm a junior in high school.

Why did I make a blog? Because It's the modern day version of a diary. Because I'm a struggling author and my father says keeping a blog will keep me writing everyday.

Yeah, so I really have no clue. But I feel like even though I don't think I have anything important to say, maybe something I say will speak to some random person out there on the internet, and make their day. Or make them feel better about something. Or make them feel like their not alone.

That's truly my only goal. Whenever I'm dealing with my depression or anything else, I feel very alone. And so now, feeling better and determined, I feel like it's my task to make sure that other people know that they really aren't alone.

So yeah, I'm here. I'll be filling you in on my boring days and maybe telling you some things I've learned. Which is rare, so don't worry. I'm not a teacher or something.

Okay, I'll stop rambling.

Happy Tuesday!!

-Ayden