Make The Most

I realized today something really weird that I think is probably true for everyone but I don't think it occurs to most people.

The time that I am calmest, most content, least stressed, etc., is when I'm showering.

Think about it; Life is filled with random crap that keeps you up at night (coming from the girl blogging at eleven...?). Facebook. Friends. Phones. Family. And you're always constantly thinking about them.

At least for me. If I'm not at school, with my friends, I'm with my family or on the internet. And that whole time it's not like I'm really taking any time for me. I'm always thinking about what people think about me or what they're doing or blah blah. And then I go and take a shower... And it's heavenly. Literally. It's like everything quiets, even if for a few minutes. I don't even know, but I wish I could be showering all the time. I think I'd be a much calmer/happier person if I was.

You can probably tell I'm having a hard time. I don't know why. It's been like this for a week or two. I can't sleep. I can't function. I'm frustrated all the time at nothing and no one and I don't know why and I can't make the frustration go away. I'm stressed beyond belief with AP tests and algebra and grades.

It's weird, though. Because none of that is really bugging me, other than the chronic frustration. I got in trouble in conservatory today for slamming my head into the desk... And yesterday, they [11:11 make a wish!] all told me to calm down, over and over again. And that's the ONLY think I want to do, calm the FUCK down.

But I can't because something is really hitting the switch in my brain that screws me up and I wish I knew what it was. And I don't.

Boo. I don't like this entry.

-Ayden